Sunday, December 6, 2009

The Christmas Column

From silver skating parties to the Yule Ball all Christmases are special. This year we’ve been noticing again and again, less Christmas spirit than usual. The muggle houses are more festive than ours! The last time we lost that contest was when millions of people were being murdered, when Lord Voldemort was at large. That’s why this year we’re including a few ways for you to be the d├ęcor of your neighborhood and a few ways to cheer up yourself and your family for the holidays.
Cheering Charms! This simple spells cheers you up in the deepest stress and lasts for just about an hour. With the help of the holidays, it’ll be just the boost to get the season started.
Melting Holiday Confetti! (incantation: holifetimul fete) This confetti goes on non-stop for four hours. It’s perfect for your holiday party! Plus, there’s nothing to pick up afterward, this confetti melts like hot wax, halfway in between your ceiling and the floor. Warnings: Do not attempt on the sky. Only point your wand at the ceiling, not the walls or the floors.
Shimmering Secrets. If you pay attention to holiday awards, you know his easy-to-do charm has been awarded the HSCA (Holiday Spirit Charm Award) from the year it was invented. The story’s great to, if you know it. This charm gives the effect of shimmering everywhere, on the interior if performed from the exterior, and vice versa.
Thanks very much for allowing my cheer to like into your home, this article is bewitched with another Holiday Charm! For more, please check in again, I rock this column from now until January.

Mike Samson, Columnist

Monday, November 16, 2009

Muggle President Informed!

Just last week, as the Daily Propduckt has probably informed you, the newly elected muggle President Barack Obama has had his first visit from President Shannon Peppaw, and Header Arnold Harrd.
“Bush tried to call security on us,” recalled Shannon. “He thought it was a joke. We visited him on his second day in office, roughly eight years ago. After that wizarding congress voted to give the next few some time, unless it was an absolute emergency. I was still vice back then, but poor President Lepcon had fallen ill. Obama took this a lot better to our standards though we had to apparate in some witches for St. Mungo’s International Hospital.”
“He went with the ‘prove it’,” continues Harrd, “Then he fainted when Shannon pulled out her want and set a harzing fire to his desk. At least, when the shock was over and he’d finished hinting that we should solve all his muggle problems, he settled down.”
“He’s a heck of a lot nicer to us than Bush, though, mind you, I don’t blame any of them for hating us.” finished Vice Shachican Norris.
Many of us will think of this just a pass in the news. But there are always the objectors. 10,000 wizard and witches showed up in front of the congress building on October 19th to protest what has been going on for years. “A new muggle president always stirs them up,” sighed Jacob Welling, Muggle Protection and Control Center. “They’ll just never accept that the muggle leaders have to know! A perfect example is the basilisk from too years ago. Right across muggle farmland. If we can evacuate the muggles, then there can be less searching down and obliviating days in their memories. Do you know how much gold that saves us? And time?” I vaguely answered no and Welling walked away, muttering under his breath. Still, many people agree with him. On the other hand the objectors have been topping the records this year. Some officials from Welling’s center have been thinking this might be their year—finally.
“I just can’t believe how many of them showed up,” cried one, by the name of Twain Tatterens. “They’ve been at this for centuries, believe me, but even the Daily Propduckt was buzzing for days to top this story.” He too walked away murmuring under his breath about the 10,000 number.
Whatever your opinion, the objectors have recognized Al Pod as their leader, and he snagged himself a court time. On November 9th, 2009 the objectors will face the Muggle Protection and Control Center in wizarding court. This happened a century ago too, but they lost. There were 18 strong, fighting objectors at that time. So certainly, this might be their year.